Posted in Personal

Work in Progress.

Hi, it’s me again.

I didn’t want this weekend to go without publishing because it has been a minute. I miss being consistent here and if I’m being honest, it’s not entirely my fault. I’ve been trying to catch up with life outside this blog and I haven’t had time to make time. I don’t know if this makes sense but I know you understand.

You see this whole phase? This whole “I’ve graduated from the university” phase? It’s not so simple. As a matter of fact, I don’t think that I’ve been this confused in my entire life. I love being worried about what I’m going to wear and how to settle the never ending dramas in my life but making decisions? Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s not hard.

I’ve put off writing about my life after graduation for a while because if I’m being honest, it’s not exactly sunshine and roses over here. Before you begin to say that you don’t trust me, I’ll have you know that social media lies. These past few months have been mind blowing and eye opening. I don’t think I’ve ever been this confused or scared because I had my life planned out from the onset and I was so sure that I had everything figured out. I didn’t plan for unforeseen circumstances. It’s not that I lack foresight. It’s just life. Things happen, plans change, and so on but it was pretty hard for me to stop myself from drowning in self-doubt and pessimism. I have learned a lot and I’m still learning.

Weird selfie ‘cos why not?

At this age, I’m glad I know what I know now because my knowledge has made navigating through life easier for me. I’ve realized that this is the point in my life where as much as I have opportunities, there are also limitations, especially financial limitations and I know I’m not the only graduate experiencing this. I realized quite early that I’m not a business oriented person and this is because I have tried on more than one occasion to go into business but business hardly ever works out. I get jobs from time to time and honestly, I wish they were constant but you get the gist already.

Also, I’ve found that I’ve been stressing a lot this period. If you know me, you’ll know that it’s not physical stress. I just drain myself mentally because for some reason, I worry about a lot of things, mostly things that I can’t control. For example, NYSC. When do I start? Where will I be posted to? Will I like it there? Will they even have my size of uniform? The funny thing about all of this is that I know that I’ll go for service. Does this stop me from worrying? No. This is just one out of many.

Another thing is that I don’t like change. I usually find it hard to adjust so I get scared of alterations in my plans and when my plans change, especially when I don’t see it coming, it’s hard to keep my head in the game and I tend to lose focus and it doesn’t take long before I begin to wallow in self-pity and sadness until I’m able to drag myself out of that hole again.

This is a tip of the iceberg but this has been my life for the past few months. I said earlier that I’m glad that I know the things I know now because I’ve been able to identify those things that have been bothering me and instead of drowning in pessimism, I decided to do something about them.

So what are the things I’m doing to get through this annoying stage of my life?

  • I’ve decided to trust in God and in myself. I’m not going to lie and say that it’s easy because there are times when you just find it hard to believe and there are times when I even struggle to pray. There are also times when I forget to encourage myself and I’d wallow in doubt instead but I made a conscious decision not to leave God out of the equation because every single time I look back at where I’m coming from, I realize that there’s no way I would have made it this far without Him. I also decided to always keep saying words of affirmation to myself and reminding myself that I am exactly who I think I am. Anytime I begin to doubt myself, I take time out to list the things I’ve accomplished and that’s all I need to keep pushing.
  • I discovered and rediscovered my interests. Towards the end of 2020, I realized that I was beginning to lose interest in my interests and to an extent, my life was becoming monotonous because I was only doing one thing when I had the opportunity to do so much more. However, at the beginning of this year, I decided to start doing all the things I loved doing again and it has helped a lot. One of the things I love but stopped doing was reading so at the beginning of the year, I set a goal to read at least 50 books this year. I just finished my 22nd book and rediscovering this passion of mine has helped a lot because it’s easier to get lost in different worlds instead of worrying all the time. I also rediscovered my interest in food, music and my friends. It’s a beautiful ride, trust me.
  • I Changed my environment. This happened recently when I had to come back to school for clearance. I decided to stay back a bit and just enjoy this environment and honestly, it has helped a lot because I’ve gotten to see my friends, meet new people, brainstorm on different ideas and so on. It’s been refreshing. I know that I’ll soon start missing my family but the change has been worth it.

So basically, I’m chilling instead of worrying because I know that worrying won’t do me any good. I know that I’m a work in progress and while this stage of my life feels so slow, I know that I’m just starting and I’m going to do just fine. So here’s the update on my life so far in case you were wondering.

Love,

‘Ruona. ❤️

P.S:

I cannot believe that I didn’t publish in a whole month!! Did you miss me?

How have you been?

I’d like you to share one thing that was bothering you and a solution you found for the issue. Please don’t air me.

If you’re a graduate and you’re waiting for NYSC or you’re at a point in your life where things seem so slow, how are you holding up?

To the older ones in this life game, how was it for you when you graduated? What doubts did you face? Any advice?

Please make use of the comment box below. You know how much I love reading from you! 💜

Posted in Random

THE DEPENDENCY SYNDROME

Hello!

I’m not about to make excuses for my absence because I was on a well-deserved holiday but I’m back because you missed me.

How have you been? (Please answer this question in the comment box ‘cos I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t care). I’ve been okay except that I don’t understand why my money is running away from me. I’ve been receiving debit alerts that I didn’t bargain for. I mean, you breathe – you have to pay for something. You go outside – more debit alerts. It’s not even fun here. Sigh.

I’m not poor in Jesus name but send me money 🤲🏼.

I heard the “dependency syndrome” phrase a few weeks ago and it sounded nice in my head so I made a mental note to myself to publish a blog post on it. Low key, I’m hoping that this doesn’t disappoint ‘cos it’s one thing for a phrase to sound nice, but it’s another ball game entirely when you have to do research based on the phrase in order to curate an entire blog post that people will derive information from. Please read to the end so you can give me feedback.

The Dependency Syndrome refers to the idea that a person or group of people cannot solve its own problems without outside assistance. It is a flaw that has been made worse by charity.

The GIF above is just a child dragging after her mum but it’s an actual representation of what I just explained because the people who suffer from dependency syndrome cannot do anything on their own. Actually, the issue is not that they can’t. It’s that they don’t want to. They would rather depend on others for their survival and in some cases, drag them down in the process. It’s typical leech behavior.

There is nothing wrong with needing assistance from people because there are times when a person will need support and it’s okay. It only becomes a problem when a person becomes totally comfortable with receiving handouts from people without making any real effort to improve his/her circumstances. It becomes an issue of receive today, squander, and wait for the next gift to come without actually doing anything.

If we look around, we’ll find people like that in our society today. They don’t want to work. They’d rather fold their hands and beg from door to door instead of doing something about their situation. You’ll find such people in some extended families where some members are wealthier than the rest and have taken on the responsibility of providing for the others who are not so better off. For example, you give your brother/sister a capital of about 300,000 Naira to start a business so it can become a source of income to his/her family and he/she’s calling you a month later to ask for “assistance” because some “issues” came up and he/she has “no one else” to turn to. What’s it called? Dependency Syndrome.

Also, there are countries that are totally dependent on aid from other countries and will keep borrowing large sums from other countries and keep incurring debts instead of generating different forms of revenue.

If a country relies on aid, it’ll develop a dependency syndrome.

Hussein Mar Nyot

What do we say to people and countries like these?

And no, we’re not giving you any more aid because who came to this world with you? You want people to help you but you’re not helping yourself. Why? Why would you choose to solely depend on people for your survival when it’s not like you’re incapacitated? It’s wrong and it’s not a good look on you because the dependency syndrome is parasitic in nature.

The dependency syndrome in medical terms refers to addiction and in a way, it’s the same thing because the way addicts find it difficult to do without such drugs and alcohol, is the same way people cannot do without asking for help from other people. They become leeches and in a way, the dependency syndrome enslaves them in mediocrity.

Depend on Jesus alone.

Did I mention that the dependency syndrome does not only have to do with financial support? As a matter of fact, when you totally depend on people to make you happy or boost your self esteem, you suffer from dependency syndrome whether you like it or not.

Our dependency makes slaves out of us, especially if this dependency is a dependency of our self-esteem. If you need encouragement, praise, pats on the back from everybody, then you make everybody your judge.

Fritz Perls

Imagine what people will say about you as a person if you make dependency syndrome a lifestyle. There’s nothing wrong with depending on yourself and putting effort into improving your circumstances for a change. You don’t want people to get tired of helping you do you?

Well, hope you have an amazing weekend and Easter! 🥳

Love,

‘Ruona ❤️

P.S:

I’m really serious about this money thing. Where do you guys see this money? 😩

Was this blog post to your liking? What did you get out of it?

What do you think about the dependency syndrome? Do you know people that are solely dependent on others?

What do you do when you begin to notice that a person is solely dependent on you and is not making any effort to help himself/herself?

Admit it – You missed me.

Please drop your comments in the comment box below. There’s this joy that comes from reading and replying to them 💜.