Posted in motivation, Personal

You Don’t Need Anyone’s Approval to Feel Better About Yourself.

I should probably tell you about this one time I dressed up. Like, really dressed up because of a guy. I remember doing my makeup and what was on my mind was how surprised he’d be to see me and how I would take his breath away. I was positive that he will not be looking at anyone else but me. I wanted to look mature and I wanted to be the centre of attraction so I allowed my friend to plaster heavy colours on my face in the name of makeup. (I should have a picture somewhere but I’m not about to embarrass the people I care about).

The endpoint of this story is that he invited another girl over who had lighter makeup on and she spent the whole day with him. I was just there, looking at them, feeling uncomfortable with my face, and totally annoyed.

Currently playing:

Sam Smith and Burnaboy actually made magic.

Where was I? Okay, there’s this confidence that makeup gives a person especially when it’s really good. Its art and art should be appreciated. But the issue here was that I didn’t wear makeup for myself on that day. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even appreciate myself at that point and all that mattered was this guy’s approval. When he didn’t even acknowledge it, my level of confidence automatically reduced. Lol. Just imagine going through the stress of sitting in one place for close to an hour and applying makeup for a boy and he doesn’t even appreciate it. Sigh. I was young and inexperienced, forgive me. I was expecting a compliment from him but he probably thought I was a joke. I can’t even blame him. I was painted like a clown. I didn’t even take his breath away…

You may have made or you’re still making the same mistake I made that time, doing stuff to impress people, to get their approval, or to fit in. Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with dressing to impress. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to boost your confidence level. The mistake you’d make is if you do them for the wrong reasons.

Whatever you do, ensure that you do it for yourself. People and their opinions matter but you matter more. Don’t lose your self worth because you’re trying to impress someone else.

Found this on Twitter.

The plain truth is that if you don’t appreciate yourself first, nobody will appreciate you. If you look down on yourself, people will look down on you. If you cannot find happiness within yourself, how do you expect to find it in other people?

You should ask yourself specific questions sometimes. Questions like “what exactly am I doing this for?”, “am I happy with this decision?”, “am I doing this for myself or for someone else?” “am I comfortable in my own skin?” And mind you, these questions aren’t limited to dressing alone because there are decisions we make on certain issues in life based on the need to get approval from people, some of them being people that we should not even bother about.

If I had just taken time to actually appreciate myself, I’m very sure I’d have gone out with my bare face and I would have had fun without having second thoughts. Also, if I had decided that I was beautiful with my makeup on, I wouldn’t have cared about his approval and I definitely would not have needed his compliments to make me feel good about myself. It’s history now and I know that I can’t make that same mistake again because I’m totally comfortable in my skin.

Insecurities come at times but I manage them by reminding myself that there’s no one like me. You can do the same too because you’re unique and you do not need anyone’s approval to feel better about yourself. Also, if you feel like there’s a change you have to make, a change that will benefit you, please go for it. Don’t discourage yourself with “what ifs”. As they say, the world will adjust.

We’re done with random thoughts for today. Thanks for stopping by.

Love,

Ruona. ❤️

P.S:

HAPPY NEW MONTH!! 💜🥳

I’ve been MIA and I’m sorry. My life outside the blog caught up with me.

How are you really? What have you been up to these past 2 weeks?

Have you had a similar experience to the one I just shared?

Do you agree with what I’ve said?

What part of this post got to you?

Please let me know in the comment box below. You know how much I love hearing from you. 💜💜💜

Posted in Random, Relationship

3 Reasons Why Your Apologies Weren’t Accepted (and how to fix them)

Hello, thank you for stopping by. How are you doing? I really hope you’re doing great ’cos I am. Is it just me or was this past week pretty fast? Like, it was as if a lot of things happened and didn’t happen at the same time. I don’t even understand what I just typed. Lol.

From the title of this blog post, you already have an idea about what we’ll be analyzing today. Apologies are not just apologies. Apologies have to do with a sincere and regretful admission of misconduct. Frankly speaking, if you don’t mean an apology, there’s no need to offer one. I’d rather you didn’t apologize to me than for you to be fake about it. The most common words used to apologize are ”I am Sorry” and if used properly, they can melt even the hardest of hearts.

Last night, I posted a question on social media asking ”How do you apologize?” Some of my friends had things to say:

You have no right to refuse this apology. In fact, you should reciprocate 😂
Who still doubts that money answereth all things? 😂
See? Some people don’t have time to waste on apologies 😂
I still don’t understand why this person was shouting at me but if you understand Yoruba, you’ll get the point. 😂
Aww, how sweet. 🥺🤧

From the above, it’s obvious that people see apologies differently, and based on their own judgement, they determine what’s right for them but we won’t be dwelling on this.

It is common knowledge that we tend to get on the bad sides of people from time to time and we often realize the need to apologize. Sometimes, we actually make efforts to apologize and our apologies aren’t even regarded or accepted. We start wondering what we may have done wrong. I mean, is it not just an apology? However, It is one thing to know how to say ”I’m sorry” it is another thing to know how to apologize properly.

If you apologized to someone and your apology wasn’t regarded, it’s probably because:

YOU MADE EXCUSES

What is ”I’m sorry but”? The ’but’ after ’I’m sorry’ just rendered your apology useless. What is ”I’m sorry if I”? Are you confused? How can you be trying to apologize while trying to pin the blame on someone or something else? Are you sure you came to apologize at all? Or instead of accepting responsibility for whatever wrong you may have done and sincerely apologizing, you’re trying to justify your actions.

The truth of the matter is that if you’re genuinely sorry, you’ll take responsibility for your part in the conflict and not try to blame anyone or justify your actions. Even if you feel that you’re right, the time of apology isn’t the time to become the judge and jury of your case. Just sincerely take responsibility for your actions and leave. What you’re supposed to do at that point in time is to own your mistakes. There will be time to discuss whatever happened later.


YOU USED YOUR APOLOGY TO CATCH CRUISE

Not everything is a joke. Imagine a person trying to apologize to you and the person is laughing throughout. You’d definitely ask yourself if the person sees you as a joke, especially if what the person did really hurt you. Now, imagine if the tables are turned. You’re not taking your apology seriously and you want the recipient to take you seriously? How? There are only a few people that may be able to tell when you’re serious and other people may not take your jokes lightly.

I feel that when you’re apologizing, the other party should be able to feel your sincerity. I’m not saying that you should weep and roll on the floor in order to show that you’re sorry but there’s something my friend said. She said ”our unconscious mind can actually detect when someone is being truly apologetic” and I totally agree. People can sense it so watch it.


YOU TRIED TO BRIBE YOUR WAY OUT OF IT

There are people that don’t like saying they’re sorry. You can try to squeeze the apology out of them and they won’t give in. What they prefer to do is to give gifts or special ’credit alerts’ to shut the other party up. Sometimes, the offending party still goes on to make those same mistakes without any form of remorse because he/she feels that if you get angry, he/she can just send you money and that’s the end. It’s absolutely wrong.

Someone asked ”Ruona, if you get ’apology credit alert’ will you take it? Yes. Yes, I will. It doesn’t change the fact that the person hasn’t apologized in any way and the fact that the person is just trying to cover things up. It is one thing to genuinely apologize and get the other person a gift as a follow-up but if you skip the apology, you’re wrong and there’s every tendency that it will be held against you. It won’t take anything out of you to apologize.

Do you get it?

If you’ve read up to this point, thank you for sticking with me. The reasons why apologies aren’t accepted most of the time are not limited to these three. As a matter of fact, other reasons include: Not knowing when to apologize, Not apologizing for the right reasons, Not making amends, among others. Apologies come naturally to some people while others find it difficult but we should try to make a habit of apologizing properly when we’re wrong.

Also, if you have realized that you didn’t apologize properly in previous times, you should try again. Healthy relationships are part of healthy living.

One more thing. When you actually do apologize and you’re forgiven, please try not to make those same mistakes again. Don’t spread stress, please. This is not what Jesus died for.

Until next time loves,

’Ruona. ❤️

P.S:

This blog post is dedicated to everyone on my WhatsApp list and Instagram stories who always take time out to give their opinions on my random thoughts. I do not take you for granted. Thank you.

How was your week? (I’ve realized that you don’t like answering questions like this and my usual ”how are you” but I genuinely want to know so please, tell me).

How do you apologize? 🌚

What is the difference between ’sorry’ and ’I’m sorry’?

If you’re given money all the time in place of apologies will you collect? I actually meant will you still rate the person?

Do you have any questions? Is there something else you’d like to add?

Please make use of the comment box below. You know how much I love hearing from you. Thank you!! 💜