Posted in Relationship

Emotional Manipulation

Emotional Manipulation | \ i-ˈmō-shnəl \ \məˌnɪpjuˈleɪʃn\ – A situation whereby a person tries to influence another person’s behavior or attitude by using tactics that can easily be referred to as deceitful, sneaky and even abusive. Some forms of emotional manipulation include lack of accountability, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, self-justification, among others.

You know what? I don’t think I’m going to use big grammar to enlighten you today. You deserve details of everything that went down and I’m going to gist you. Just patiently follow this story.

This couple, Boo and Bae were the real couple goals. They had been together for a little over a year and everyone knew about them. Their pictures and triller videos often attracted comments of ”awww 😍🥺” and ”God when 😩😭”. With the number of followers they had amassed on Instagram, they were a power couple. Basically, they were good together on paper because Boo was a fine boy and Bae did not fall hands in beauty. God took his time in creating these ones. Do you see why they belonged together? Yes or yes?

As I said, they were couple goals and people wanted what they had. I mean, what else do you want when you have the best of everything and a fine boy/girl by your side? Nothing, dear. Everything looked good on the outside and if you didn’t look closely enough, you wouldn’t notice that their relationship was actually a farce. I mean they loved each other and they were happy but lmaooo 😂 I knew what was up because I’m smart (and I know things) plus who do you think Bae used to call when she was crying? That’s right. Me! 😂 Please, please, I am not a bad friend. I just want to enlighten you. I told Bae to leave Boo since but she used to ask me ”What will people say?” ”Don’t you want this to work out?” ”Are you sure there isn’t a reason you want us to break up? (haaa!) There was no reason oh. I was just giving her the best solution I could think of but before she’d say I was an enemy of progress, I stuck to saying ”sorry babe, you’ll be fine”. There was no way that the relationship would not end in tears but you don’t say that to a crying girl.

Things had been going smoothly for them until Bae started noticing a change in Boo. When we talked she said, ”I wouldn’t exactly say he changed because this is a part of his nature that came as a warning sign but I chose to ignore”. So Bae already knew something was up but she didn’t think it would be a problem. K. Bae told me that at first when Boo started making it seem like she was crazy for voicing her feelings and pointing out when she felt bad, she thought ”hey it’s true. I’m just whining and I can overlook this issue” but how exactly was she supposed to be okay with the fact that Boo was disrespecting her in many ways than one and dismissing her feelings as if they were nothing?

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It was confusing, especially on cases when Bae suspected Boo of cheating on her but he’d lie to her face even when there were traces of evidence. He’d prove that she was wrong and that he was right. Bae would begin to feel bad about even bringing up the issue in the first place. His mantra was always ”you don’t trust me” but someone’s intuition cannot be wrong on so many occasions, can it? Boo also began to criticize her and her decisions without encouraging her. He’d only show support when he knew he’d gain something from it (cue their many posts on Instagram that attracted brands).

I remember one time when Bae organized something for them to do together because she realized that they were slowly drifting apart. Boo didn’t show up. When Bae attempted to voice out the fact that he made her feel bad, he played the victim and decided to play the blame game. He said ”you know I’m always with my guys. You should have told me earlier so I’d have time to plan”. Bae came crying to me that she had told him about her plans two days before and he said he’d be there. She waited for him for close to three hours and the least he could have done was call or send a text that he wasn’t going to be available. Instead, he decided to go for a ”get together” with his guys. He justified himself and did not apologize that day. You can imagine how Bae felt.

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He continued to do things like this (and honestly, I wondered why Bae kept trying. I mean, it was obvious that he didn’t care). He never admitted that he was wrong but always said that Bae was being insensitive or crazy. When he made mistakes, he’d try to turn it on her and try to make it seem like it was her fault. To make matters worse, after talking to her, he’d still tell her that he loved her and he cared about her and my friend would decide to forgive everything. He never failed to give her gifts and as I said, everything was perfect but the truth is that Bae was not happy. Eventually, Boo began to expect Bae to put everything aside for his needs. With the gifts and his words, she began to feel like she was indebted to him. He was basically Lord in the relationship and it was very hard to say no to him.

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So, I’ve been giving you guys gist in the past tense since but allow me to shock you. They are still together!! Yes, I said it. She’s still suffering in silence and coming to cry to me. She doesn’t want to even think about the phrase ”break up”. That’s not a relationship. Oga is manipulating and abusing her emotionally and she knows it but she doesn’t want to admit it. Honestly, I mean well for them but if Boo doesn’t get help for his toxic nature, I don’t know how long they’d last for because this isn’t healthy for them. I’m still here anyway, telling her ”sorry babe, you’ll be fine”.

I’ll keep you guys updated.

Love,

’Ruona ❤️

P. S.

Special thanks to Sharon Oseghe and Kindness Onodua for helping me come up with this idea. 💜

If you’ve read up to this point, I really appreciate you.

Did you get what I did with my story? I pointed out signs of emotional manipulation.

I’d like to say that emotional manipulation works both ways and is not gender-specific. Emotional manipulation does not affect only romantic relationships but can also be present in friendships.

Also, this is pure fiction and this was not written in reference to anyone, living or dead.

So, what is emotional manipulation to you?

What do you think of Boo and Bae’s characters respectively?

How do you know if you’re manipulating someone emotionally or being manipulated?

What can you do to stop emotional manipulation?

Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below because I’d really love to see them.

Author:

I'm Oseruona Asak, popularly known as 'Ruona. I've finally put myself out here to share my thoughts since I often need to share what goes on in my mind...

83 thoughts on “Emotional Manipulation

  1. Thank God they’re not real Sha 😅, but this thing happens in real life and it’s an issue, the problem be say the victims no dey ever hear word, they’re usually too far gone and if you keep pushing it’ll be like you’re a bad person, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try Sha

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Lol I agree with you but personally, I feel that this is what love does to some people. They love these toxic people so much and they see the good in them. This means that they are always hoping that they’ll change one day. I guess that’s why they stay.

      Like

  2. Things like this happens real life. I have a friend that her boyfriend beats her like mad and after beating her he’ll give her money for shopping, she doesn’t want to leave the relationship she said she can’t do without the him that she loves him too much😂
    Anyways their business oo

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Since bae has refused to listen to advice from a good friend… Then she should continue with the experience in order to tell her story when she is finally in her senses…they say” experience is the best teacher”. And that boo he is lucky he isn’t my friend he is dealing with(ruona) I would have dealt with him.. but seriously ladies are blinded with this so called love that they overlook the signs of emotional manipulation..nice work Ruona

    Liked by 3 people

  4. What makes one easy to manipulate is lack of confidence in oneself and insecurities
    Once you feel you deserve more…you get to leave easily
    So a little advice to everyone build on your confidence and everything will be alright 😀

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Ruona, you actually caught me tight with this story thinking the characters were real. I think suffering in silence with the hope of “one day he will change” is a simple and fast way to death. It’s just a sucide in disguise.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Lol. I’m glad you like it.
      Love makes people do crazy stuff and they can’t help it. Because one thing about toxic people is that when they’re not being toxic, they’re actually nice and so most times, it’s hard to leave.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Honestly this thing happens everyday. But then, I feel like it’s always difficult for people in the relationship ( romantic or platonic ) to realize this especially when blinded by their feelings. I also feel like some people are aware that they are being emotionally blackmailed but wouldnt want to act on it cos of the benefits they receive in the relationship.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Nice write up but the painful thing most people learn from experience.so when you see the warning signs again it is left for you to run or stay foolish in love and make the same mistake.
    Although change is constant it is actually very hard

    Liked by 3 people

  8. “Boo” is not fair… “Boo” is kinda heartless… “Boo” lost vibes in the relationship but doesn’t have the courage to break up…”Boo” is trying to manipulate “Bae” to end the relationship so he’d look like the good person… Don’t be like “Boo”.

    I am “Boo” 🙃🚶🏾‍♂️🚶🏾‍♂️🚶🏾‍♂️

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Yes, this do occur when one is manipulating the other in the relationship. The feelings does not let the other see things through, or try to manage what’s going on to avoid what people might think. This makes life misconstrued between hope of things to get better and suffering.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Exactly! The thing is that it’s only in rare cases that things actually get better because most times, what it unhealthy is unhealthy no matter how much someone tries to cover it.

      Like

  10. Been away for sometime and I can say I have missed a lot.
    Anyways, it’s best to get rid of relationships like this because it doesn’t get better, trust me😌

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Lots of relationships (friendly and romantic) are built like this.
    Everyone hopes to not get trapped but when we do how easy is it to just walk out? Leaving is easy but letting go can be really really hard.
    I hope the trend ends really soon

    Lovely piece. Sensitive content. Keep us engaged 😋😋😋

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Sometimes, it’s not even easy to just leave. Letting go is another thing entirely.
      I hope the trend ends too or at best, people should just wisen up.

      Thanks for stopping by, boo ❤️

      Like

  12. Emotional manipulators do not take responsibilities, they always play the victim because they want u to feel bad for them so they can gain control.
    My dear enforce your boundaries and stand firm in your “No” anyone that really loves, care and respect you will not emotionally manipulate you.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. This was really good and I appreciate the fact that you’re raising this awareness because unfortunately, these things happen in the world today but you did great on this post ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Boo might not know what he’s actually putting bae through or he might have actually fallen out of love with her ( if he was ever in love with her) but is still in the relationship because he doesn’t want to hurt her and of course for the public. Either way, leaving relationships like this is never easy, it’s actually easier to say “if na me I for don comot”. If she’s ever going to come out of it, she’ll need friends and her corner and something to keep her mind busy.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s true. It’s not always easy. And yes, some of these toxic people usually don’t know what their doing. That’s why emotional manipulation can be innocent or on purpose but when this person’s fault is pointed out to him/her and the person is doing nothing to change, there is a problem.

      Like

  15. You need to see how my eyes popped when you said they are still together. You really got us.

    I hope those in relationships like this have the scales taken away.

    I remember one time in JSS 1 second term, I had “a friend” who would make me come to her class during break and during that time, I’d buy lunch (not one time did she buy or come over). When the thing became recurrent, I retraced my steps, remained in my class and kept my distance. May we be sensitive to manipulative, wicked people around us.

    Well done, sis

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Meeehn. I have a friend who was in this kinda relationship. The guy would beat her, cheat and even keep the girls nudes on his phone then take her for shopping. When she wants to break up he’ll threaten to call her mum. Me I told her it will end in tears o and it actually did but thank God they aren’t together anymore and she’s with someone that deserves her. She still misses the gifts tho 😅. I think we should all know our worth and not let anybody make us feel less of ourselves.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Well said, Ruona. I have seen a lot of couples with beautiful triller video that will make you say “God when oh”, “see love oh” but looking beyond the surface, you will see bae or boo trying so hard to keep the relationship working even though it’s not healthy. I have a friend that is going through something similar. I sincerely hope she realizes it before it’s too late because break up is not in her list right now.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I said the person being manipulated emotionally should leave if the toxic person doesn’t wanna get help or change.

      Suffering in silence isn’t an option. What else can someone do?

      Like

  18. a great piece sis. everything written here is true even if they are not real, and it’s very realatable. i’ve had friends in toxic relationships and they all come complaining but never want to leave the person. when they eventually do, it’s still on my head because letting go actually takes time when you really loved the person. people really need to read this piece and understand that they should try, try hard to learn how to leave any relationship with toxicity and emotional manipulation and learn to move on with their lives.

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Amazing read! Masterfully crafted!! And yes, it’s not easy to just leave. To let go is more difficult. That’s why bae/boo needs to be connected to supernatural strength (Jesus) to move on. This is simply awesome piece Ruona.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. I’m just starting to read and I’m seeing ‘boo’and ‘bae’. I’m beginning to reconsider if I should continue or not. I don’t need tensioning in my life like this.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. Okay so I’m done reading and it wasn’t what I thought at alllll. Mehnnn, all I can say is, Bae’s village people are following her and they should check if Boo is from Edo.
    These are the kind of relationships girls never recover from.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. True… Confidence and emotional security is everything… That’s where the cliché love yourself comes in… If not nobody will… Until bae realizes that she deserves better… Nothing will bring her out of such a relationship.. #Good work Ruona😘

    Liked by 2 people

  23. Well well, I was in her position last year. I cried amd cried. Nobody knew what I was going through except my girlfriend. I was going crazy that I didn’t even know when I walked out of the bathroom with a towel and was leaving the hostel tp God knows where. I failed a course and my mother’s phone call after that failure did it for me. I deleted his numbers, pictures but couldn’t step out coz I always feel all the guys I came across looks like him. But one fateful day, I dressed up and went out on a date with myself. I love myself more. Just like I expected, he came back with so many voice note on WhatsApp putting the blames on me and how I won’t dare to leave him. But guess what, I left him and moved on without looking back. Being underestimated is the worst thing that can ever happen especially from a loved one. Thank you Ruona. I love you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m so glad you were able to come out of it. You’re strong and not many people can tell their story the way you’ve told yours. I’m so proud of you and I love you too. 💜

      Like

  24. The truth is, they know these people are toxic, but the love they have for them overshadow their judgement. They have this faith and hope that they can work it out and everything will be okay. I have been in a similar situation , where I constantly kept giving excuses for my partners wrong doing. I was always making up for him, telling myself all the lies just to make me stay. But it was draining, it was emotionally wrecking me. At a point I felt I lost myself trying to make some crazy ass relationship work. Friends and family told me it wasn’t for me but I gave them reasons why it was for me. Until I hit my limit and I just couldn’t go further, I couldn’t give any excuse, I had ran out of things to say. And nothing made sense anymore. I had to call it a quit for my sanity. It’s really hard but the earlier we leave these toxic people, the better we move on.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I totally agree with you. It must have been really hard, having to leave but you did the right thing because your mental health is important. You’re strong. Most people are still looking for the courage to leave toxic relationships.
      Thank you for reading. 💜

      Liked by 1 person

  25. The truth is these people have been emotionally damaged, they’ve been played upon and been manipulated. And they don’t even see it that way. Please we need to care for people who are in toxic relationships because they don’t see anything wrong in it. They feel they are always at fault, they’ve lost their self esteem, they don’t even realize the value they have. They’ve been told to believe that, that’s what love is. Love shouldn’t be expressed this way. A lot of people are going through this and they don’t even have the voice to leave that toxic relationship. Most people die of these things. The world needs people who would be there to help them pass through it, not ignore them. It’s sad cause this is happening in our world of today. I hope those people have the courage to walk out of that relationship cause they deserve better.

    Liked by 1 person

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