Posted in Random, Relationship

3 Reasons Why Your Apologies Weren’t Accepted (and how to fix them)

Hello, thank you for stopping by. How are you doing? I really hope you’re doing great ’cos I am. Is it just me or was this past week pretty fast? Like, it was as if a lot of things happened and didn’t happen at the same time. I don’t even understand what I just typed. Lol.

From the title of this blog post, you already have an idea about what we’ll be analyzing today. Apologies are not just apologies. Apologies have to do with a sincere and regretful admission of misconduct. Frankly speaking, if you don’t mean an apology, there’s no need to offer one. I’d rather you didn’t apologize to me than for you to be fake about it. The most common words used to apologize are ”I am Sorry” and if used properly, they can melt even the hardest of hearts.

Last night, I posted a question on social media asking ”How do you apologize?” Some of my friends had things to say:

You have no right to refuse this apology. In fact, you should reciprocate 😂
Who still doubts that money answereth all things? 😂
See? Some people don’t have time to waste on apologies 😂
I still don’t understand why this person was shouting at me but if you understand Yoruba, you’ll get the point. 😂
Aww, how sweet. 🥺🤧

From the above, it’s obvious that people see apologies differently, and based on their own judgement, they determine what’s right for them but we won’t be dwelling on this.

It is common knowledge that we tend to get on the bad sides of people from time to time and we often realize the need to apologize. Sometimes, we actually make efforts to apologize and our apologies aren’t even regarded or accepted. We start wondering what we may have done wrong. I mean, is it not just an apology? However, It is one thing to know how to say ”I’m sorry” it is another thing to know how to apologize properly.

If you apologized to someone and your apology wasn’t regarded, it’s probably because:

YOU MADE EXCUSES

What is ”I’m sorry but”? The ’but’ after ’I’m sorry’ just rendered your apology useless. What is ”I’m sorry if I”? Are you confused? How can you be trying to apologize while trying to pin the blame on someone or something else? Are you sure you came to apologize at all? Or instead of accepting responsibility for whatever wrong you may have done and sincerely apologizing, you’re trying to justify your actions.

The truth of the matter is that if you’re genuinely sorry, you’ll take responsibility for your part in the conflict and not try to blame anyone or justify your actions. Even if you feel that you’re right, the time of apology isn’t the time to become the judge and jury of your case. Just sincerely take responsibility for your actions and leave. What you’re supposed to do at that point in time is to own your mistakes. There will be time to discuss whatever happened later.


YOU USED YOUR APOLOGY TO CATCH CRUISE

Not everything is a joke. Imagine a person trying to apologize to you and the person is laughing throughout. You’d definitely ask yourself if the person sees you as a joke, especially if what the person did really hurt you. Now, imagine if the tables are turned. You’re not taking your apology seriously and you want the recipient to take you seriously? How? There are only a few people that may be able to tell when you’re serious and other people may not take your jokes lightly.

I feel that when you’re apologizing, the other party should be able to feel your sincerity. I’m not saying that you should weep and roll on the floor in order to show that you’re sorry but there’s something my friend said. She said ”our unconscious mind can actually detect when someone is being truly apologetic” and I totally agree. People can sense it so watch it.


YOU TRIED TO BRIBE YOUR WAY OUT OF IT

There are people that don’t like saying they’re sorry. You can try to squeeze the apology out of them and they won’t give in. What they prefer to do is to give gifts or special ’credit alerts’ to shut the other party up. Sometimes, the offending party still goes on to make those same mistakes without any form of remorse because he/she feels that if you get angry, he/she can just send you money and that’s the end. It’s absolutely wrong.

Someone asked ”Ruona, if you get ’apology credit alert’ will you take it? Yes. Yes, I will. It doesn’t change the fact that the person hasn’t apologized in any way and the fact that the person is just trying to cover things up. It is one thing to genuinely apologize and get the other person a gift as a follow-up but if you skip the apology, you’re wrong and there’s every tendency that it will be held against you. It won’t take anything out of you to apologize.

Do you get it?

If you’ve read up to this point, thank you for sticking with me. The reasons why apologies aren’t accepted most of the time are not limited to these three. As a matter of fact, other reasons include: Not knowing when to apologize, Not apologizing for the right reasons, Not making amends, among others. Apologies come naturally to some people while others find it difficult but we should try to make a habit of apologizing properly when we’re wrong.

Also, if you have realized that you didn’t apologize properly in previous times, you should try again. Healthy relationships are part of healthy living.

One more thing. When you actually do apologize and you’re forgiven, please try not to make those same mistakes again. Don’t spread stress, please. This is not what Jesus died for.

Until next time loves,

’Ruona. ❤️

P.S:

This blog post is dedicated to everyone on my WhatsApp list and Instagram stories who always take time out to give their opinions on my random thoughts. I do not take you for granted. Thank you.

How was your week? (I’ve realized that you don’t like answering questions like this and my usual ”how are you” but I genuinely want to know so please, tell me).

How do you apologize? 🌚

What is the difference between ’sorry’ and ’I’m sorry’?

If you’re given money all the time in place of apologies will you collect? I actually meant will you still rate the person?

Do you have any questions? Is there something else you’d like to add?

Please make use of the comment box below. You know how much I love hearing from you. Thank you!! 💜

Author:

I'm Oseruona Asak, popularly known as 'Ruona. I think it’s weird that I cannot describe myself perfectly but I’m passionate about those things that are close to my heart, including sharing my thoughts with you.

33 thoughts on “3 Reasons Why Your Apologies Weren’t Accepted (and how to fix them)

  1. Well, my week has been awesome, my friend and my daughter 😉 got jobs, The apology thing Sha, my advice is apologise if you’re sorry, if you’re not sorry the apology is actually useless, the money thing isn’t necessarily bribing, some people add gifts to their apologies to show how sorry they are.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Following up your apology with gifts is actually different. I said that in the blog post. However, when you use these gifts without actually apologizing, it’s wrong.

      If you’re not sorry, don’t apologize. I’m with you on that.

      Glad you had a nice week 😉

      Like

  2. Communication with the apology is important. Sometimes someone doesn’t know. You can’t expect an apology unless the person knows they did wrong. And what they did wrong.
    An open apology is useless.
    “I’m sorry, but I don’t know what I did wrong. Can you explain it to me?” is the only caveat to the ‘but’ comment.
    Attempts to change are required. Or the apology is still useless.
    I do mean attempts to change. Can’t fault a person when they fail if they’ve been trying not to.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I totally and completely agree with what you’ve said.
      If a person isn’t making efforts to change, then the apology is useless.

      I learned something from you today and I hope others will too. A person can ask where he or she went wrong. I guess the ’but’ after ”I’m sorry” isn’t so useless after all.
      Thank you so much! 💜

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Nice write up, I have a friend that will say “I’m sorry but I may do it again, so I’m sorry in advance” what do we do to that kind person biko

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As in they have a medical condition where they will do it again
      or because they don’t wish to better themselves?
      Former, see if there is a way to counter the end result if it causes harm.
      Latter, are they really a friend? If they can change and because a better person, why aren’t they?
      Accidents happen.

      Like

    2. It depends on the relationship you have with that friend though. Perhaps, his nervousness made him say that… You just wouldn’t know. Saying I am sorry is really very difficult, it takes enough balls to do so.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I would never fake an apology! If I say it then i mean it. Just learning how to use the right words while apologizing. Like you said there’s no I’m sorry “IF I”
    Me sef i kuku no dey too offend people so I’m trying 😂
    Great piece Ruona!💚

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My week was okay, I hope yours was good as well
    In my opinion, an apology should be thorough “I’m sorry for *inserts what I did wrong* and I apologise for hurting you”
    Own your mistakes or the actions that hurt, apologise first for whatever the person said you did that hurt cause you don’t get to decide what hurts another person.
    After the words, your actions should align, if you’re truly sorry you’ll try to fix up to avoid the same situation. We’ll make mistakes at certain points but you should at least try to act in accordance with what you apologised for.
    For me, I’ll need the words and actions. Money and other gifts are just icing on the cake, the first two are what really matter.
    And on the other hand, if you know someone hurt you and you need an apology from the person, you better tell the person what they did to you so they know what they’re doing wrong and they can apologise. Nobody reads minds or at least not everyone reads minds.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I look forward to your comments all the time because you always hit the nail on the head.
      Thank you for always taking out time. I hope someone reads this and learns. 💜

      Like

  6. My week wasn’t bad Ro.
    Really nice write up 🌟
    Apologies should be made with the right state of mind. What I’m trying to say is that the person apologising should apologise at a time when the offended person would be receptive and also the person apologising should be a 100% sure that he/she did wrong.
    So I’m also retweeting @cathartliebe🌟

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yay! Cheers to an even better week ahead.
      I agree with you. When apologizing, one needs to know the right time to apologize and the person apologizing should understand what he/she did wrong.
      Thank you for stopping by, dear.

      Like

  7. *clears throat*

    Is there a right way to apologize? Cos I’ve been accused several times of “apologizing without appearing remorseful” but that’s just how I’m built. Some people find it very hard to apologize (like me, yes and it’s not cos of any big ego, it’s how we are) so saying sorry already is a big deal.

    Imagine summoning strength to say sorry and someone dismisses it because no “i’m” before sorry tueeeeh!!! better take the apology and swallow it

    Check your WhatsApp let’s finish our argument 😂🤝

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi Ruins,
    if you actually are honest and really sober about your mishaps ,and deep down you apologized and the second person doesn’t feel this ”our unconscious mind can actually detect when someone is being truly apologetic” does that make your apology null ?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t think it makes your apology null. Maybe at that point in time, the person being apologized to isn’t ready to believe that you’re being sincere because he/she is still angry. This is where knowing when to apologize comes in. I feel that when you apologize, you should give the person time. Eventually, he/she should come around.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Apologies is a whole lot of thing to do sha… I mean there are sometimes you apologize to people and they use you to catch cruise or take you for granted… But then, it’s good to be apologetic when you’re wrong, it goes a long way to those who appreciates it.

    Thanks for creating such a meaningful post dear.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Nice write up sis! Some of these people that genuinely apologize but still keep doing it are the worst. You apologizing should mean that you’re going to change and stop doing that same thing that’ll annoy your friend or partner. It’s not healthy! You honestly can do better!

    Liked by 1 person

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