Posted in Random, Relationship

3 Reasons Why Your Apologies Weren’t Accepted (and how to fix them)

Hello, thank you for stopping by. How are you doing? I really hope you’re doing great ’cos I am. Is it just me or was this past week pretty fast? Like, it was as if a lot of things happened and didn’t happen at the same time. I don’t even understand what I just typed. Lol.

From the title of this blog post, you already have an idea about what we’ll be analyzing today. Apologies are not just apologies. Apologies have to do with a sincere and regretful admission of misconduct. Frankly speaking, if you don’t mean an apology, there’s no need to offer one. I’d rather you didn’t apologize to me than for you to be fake about it. The most common words used to apologize are ”I am Sorry” and if used properly, they can melt even the hardest of hearts.

Last night, I posted a question on social media asking ”How do you apologize?” Some of my friends had things to say:

You have no right to refuse this apology. In fact, you should reciprocate 😂
Who still doubts that money answereth all things? 😂
See? Some people don’t have time to waste on apologies 😂
I still don’t understand why this person was shouting at me but if you understand Yoruba, you’ll get the point. 😂
Aww, how sweet. 🥺🤧

From the above, it’s obvious that people see apologies differently, and based on their own judgement, they determine what’s right for them but we won’t be dwelling on this.

It is common knowledge that we tend to get on the bad sides of people from time to time and we often realize the need to apologize. Sometimes, we actually make efforts to apologize and our apologies aren’t even regarded or accepted. We start wondering what we may have done wrong. I mean, is it not just an apology? However, It is one thing to know how to say ”I’m sorry” it is another thing to know how to apologize properly.

If you apologized to someone and your apology wasn’t regarded, it’s probably because:

YOU MADE EXCUSES

What is ”I’m sorry but”? The ’but’ after ’I’m sorry’ just rendered your apology useless. What is ”I’m sorry if I”? Are you confused? How can you be trying to apologize while trying to pin the blame on someone or something else? Are you sure you came to apologize at all? Or instead of accepting responsibility for whatever wrong you may have done and sincerely apologizing, you’re trying to justify your actions.

The truth of the matter is that if you’re genuinely sorry, you’ll take responsibility for your part in the conflict and not try to blame anyone or justify your actions. Even if you feel that you’re right, the time of apology isn’t the time to become the judge and jury of your case. Just sincerely take responsibility for your actions and leave. What you’re supposed to do at that point in time is to own your mistakes. There will be time to discuss whatever happened later.


YOU USED YOUR APOLOGY TO CATCH CRUISE

Not everything is a joke. Imagine a person trying to apologize to you and the person is laughing throughout. You’d definitely ask yourself if the person sees you as a joke, especially if what the person did really hurt you. Now, imagine if the tables are turned. You’re not taking your apology seriously and you want the recipient to take you seriously? How? There are only a few people that may be able to tell when you’re serious and other people may not take your jokes lightly.

I feel that when you’re apologizing, the other party should be able to feel your sincerity. I’m not saying that you should weep and roll on the floor in order to show that you’re sorry but there’s something my friend said. She said ”our unconscious mind can actually detect when someone is being truly apologetic” and I totally agree. People can sense it so watch it.


YOU TRIED TO BRIBE YOUR WAY OUT OF IT

There are people that don’t like saying they’re sorry. You can try to squeeze the apology out of them and they won’t give in. What they prefer to do is to give gifts or special ’credit alerts’ to shut the other party up. Sometimes, the offending party still goes on to make those same mistakes without any form of remorse because he/she feels that if you get angry, he/she can just send you money and that’s the end. It’s absolutely wrong.

Someone asked ”Ruona, if you get ’apology credit alert’ will you take it? Yes. Yes, I will. It doesn’t change the fact that the person hasn’t apologized in any way and the fact that the person is just trying to cover things up. It is one thing to genuinely apologize and get the other person a gift as a follow-up but if you skip the apology, you’re wrong and there’s every tendency that it will be held against you. It won’t take anything out of you to apologize.

Do you get it?

If you’ve read up to this point, thank you for sticking with me. The reasons why apologies aren’t accepted most of the time are not limited to these three. As a matter of fact, other reasons include: Not knowing when to apologize, Not apologizing for the right reasons, Not making amends, among others. Apologies come naturally to some people while others find it difficult but we should try to make a habit of apologizing properly when we’re wrong.

Also, if you have realized that you didn’t apologize properly in previous times, you should try again. Healthy relationships are part of healthy living.

One more thing. When you actually do apologize and you’re forgiven, please try not to make those same mistakes again. Don’t spread stress, please. This is not what Jesus died for.

Until next time loves,

’Ruona. ❤️

P.S:

This blog post is dedicated to everyone on my WhatsApp list and Instagram stories who always take time out to give their opinions on my random thoughts. I do not take you for granted. Thank you.

How was your week? (I’ve realized that you don’t like answering questions like this and my usual ”how are you” but I genuinely want to know so please, tell me).

How do you apologize? 🌚

What is the difference between ’sorry’ and ’I’m sorry’?

If you’re given money all the time in place of apologies will you collect? I actually meant will you still rate the person?

Do you have any questions? Is there something else you’d like to add?

Please make use of the comment box below. You know how much I love hearing from you. Thank you!! 💜

Posted in Random

So You’ve Got Jokes?

Simi, thank you for this.

I love having discussions with people who get me and people who understand my points of view. I’m also totally fine with people who have different ideas about some of the issues that concern us, but one thing I’m never going to be fine with is people who never admit that they’re wrong or that they’ve crossed a line. I’m sure you can relate as these people are more common than we believe.

People handle jokes differently because the perception and interpretation of jokes by individuals differ. There are people that don’t mind being the subjects of jokes and there are others that will easily be offended. The fact that we are different people means that we should be able to accept that not everyone will see things our way and that’s why we need to know when to draw the line.

I posted a screenshot of an offensive tweet once. It was a joke and it was funny at the time but a reaction I got from my friend made me understand what I had done. The joke wasn’t even mine and all I did was screenshot and repost but I realized that if I was the subject of the joke, I’d be hurt too. It didn’t even matter if my friend could take the joke or not and it didn’t even matter that it wasn’t exactly directed at her. At that point, I already felt terrible. I kept apologizing and I took it down but I learned a huge lesson that day.

My friend once said “sometimes, we underestimate the power of jokes. It might seem harmless to you but might be harmful to the receiving end”. The honest truth is that just because you don’t intend to hurt or offend anyone with your jokes does not make it right when you do. It is not the intention, it is the effect these jokes have on people and so, we should watch it.

Some people will come with the ”you’re too serious” or ”you’re taking things personally” lines but if someone says he/she doesn’t appreciate a joke, you should take note and apologise instead of trying to justify your actions. We should also be careful with our words.

There’s a Big Difference Between Humor and Disrespect

Natalie Frank, Ph.D.

Natalie Frank in her blog post said ”do you really want to risk hurting someone if you can avoid it?”

Edeme, thank you for this.

The screenshot above is another angle I’d really love to address because if people do not know when to draw the line, you have to draw it for them. You don’t sit back and allow people to disrespect you in the name of ”I was joking”. There’s a limit to everything and there are boundaries.

I will never understand how people that are not close to a person make jokes that are insulting. I’m not saying I’m in support of close friends who make insulting jokes about each other but I guess it’s understandable because they are close and they’ll probably not take it seriously. But you see those ones that don’t know anything about you, coming from no angle of the triangle to throw shade and call it jokes, you have to stamp your foot and tell them as it is.

If you’ve read up to this point, I’d like to thank you for sticking with me. Here on Ruonaahsculture, I try as best as possible not to mince words and ensure that I address issues as they are. On that note, let’s be mindful of the kinds of jokes we make. Don’t just open your mouth waaaa and start spewing nonsense. I’ve advised you as best as I can so please, take heed.

I hope you’re good and I hope you’re in a safe place. Until next time loves,

’Ruona ❤️

P.S:

Why do people even make insulting jokes?

Have you been in a position where you had insulting jokes thrown at you? What was your reaction?

Do you believe in ’gbas gbos’?

Have you subscribed to this blog yet?

The comment section is available for you to share your thoughts on this issue. You know how much I love hearing from you. I’m gonna go now… Peace.