Posted in Relationship

Emotional Manipulation

Emotional Manipulation | \ i-ˈmō-shnəl \ \məˌnɪpjuˈleɪʃn\ – A situation whereby a person tries to influence another person’s behavior or attitude by using tactics that can easily be referred to as deceitful, sneaky and even abusive. Some forms of emotional manipulation include lack of accountability, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, self-justification, among others.

You know what? I don’t think I’m going to use big grammar to enlighten you today. You deserve details of everything that went down and I’m going to gist you. Just patiently follow this story.

This couple, Boo and Bae were the real couple goals. They had been together for a little over a year and everyone knew about them. Their pictures and triller videos often attracted comments of ”awww 😍🥺” and ”God when 😩😭”. With the number of followers they had amassed on Instagram, they were a power couple. Basically, they were good together on paper because Boo was a fine boy and Bae did not fall hands in beauty. God took his time in creating these ones. Do you see why they belonged together? Yes or yes?

As I said, they were couple goals and people wanted what they had. I mean, what else do you want when you have the best of everything and a fine boy/girl by your side? Nothing, dear. Everything looked good on the outside and if you didn’t look closely enough, you wouldn’t notice that their relationship was actually a farce. I mean they loved each other and they were happy but lmaooo 😂 I knew what was up because I’m smart (and I know things) plus who do you think Bae used to call when she was crying? That’s right. Me! 😂 Please, please, I am not a bad friend. I just want to enlighten you. I told Bae to leave Boo since but she used to ask me ”What will people say?” ”Don’t you want this to work out?” ”Are you sure there isn’t a reason you want us to break up? (haaa!) There was no reason oh. I was just giving her the best solution I could think of but before she’d say I was an enemy of progress, I stuck to saying ”sorry babe, you’ll be fine”. There was no way that the relationship would not end in tears but you don’t say that to a crying girl.

Things had been going smoothly for them until Bae started noticing a change in Boo. When we talked she said, ”I wouldn’t exactly say he changed because this is a part of his nature that came as a warning sign but I chose to ignore”. So Bae already knew something was up but she didn’t think it would be a problem. K. Bae told me that at first when Boo started making it seem like she was crazy for voicing her feelings and pointing out when she felt bad, she thought ”hey it’s true. I’m just whining and I can overlook this issue” but how exactly was she supposed to be okay with the fact that Boo was disrespecting her in many ways than one and dismissing her feelings as if they were nothing?

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It was confusing, especially on cases when Bae suspected Boo of cheating on her but he’d lie to her face even when there were traces of evidence. He’d prove that she was wrong and that he was right. Bae would begin to feel bad about even bringing up the issue in the first place. His mantra was always ”you don’t trust me” but someone’s intuition cannot be wrong on so many occasions, can it? Boo also began to criticize her and her decisions without encouraging her. He’d only show support when he knew he’d gain something from it (cue their many posts on Instagram that attracted brands).

I remember one time when Bae organized something for them to do together because she realized that they were slowly drifting apart. Boo didn’t show up. When Bae attempted to voice out the fact that he made her feel bad, he played the victim and decided to play the blame game. He said ”you know I’m always with my guys. You should have told me earlier so I’d have time to plan”. Bae came crying to me that she had told him about her plans two days before and he said he’d be there. She waited for him for close to three hours and the least he could have done was call or send a text that he wasn’t going to be available. Instead, he decided to go for a ”get together” with his guys. He justified himself and did not apologize that day. You can imagine how Bae felt.

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He continued to do things like this (and honestly, I wondered why Bae kept trying. I mean, it was obvious that he didn’t care). He never admitted that he was wrong but always said that Bae was being insensitive or crazy. When he made mistakes, he’d try to turn it on her and try to make it seem like it was her fault. To make matters worse, after talking to her, he’d still tell her that he loved her and he cared about her and my friend would decide to forgive everything. He never failed to give her gifts and as I said, everything was perfect but the truth is that Bae was not happy. Eventually, Boo began to expect Bae to put everything aside for his needs. With the gifts and his words, she began to feel like she was indebted to him. He was basically Lord in the relationship and it was very hard to say no to him.

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So, I’ve been giving you guys gist in the past tense since but allow me to shock you. They are still together!! Yes, I said it. She’s still suffering in silence and coming to cry to me. She doesn’t want to even think about the phrase ”break up”. That’s not a relationship. Oga is manipulating and abusing her emotionally and she knows it but she doesn’t want to admit it. Honestly, I mean well for them but if Boo doesn’t get help for his toxic nature, I don’t know how long they’d last for because this isn’t healthy for them. I’m still here anyway, telling her ”sorry babe, you’ll be fine”.

I’ll keep you guys updated.

Love,

’Ruona ❤️

P. S.

Special thanks to Sharon Oseghe and Kindness Onodua for helping me come up with this idea. 💜

If you’ve read up to this point, I really appreciate you.

Did you get what I did with my story? I pointed out signs of emotional manipulation.

I’d like to say that emotional manipulation works both ways and is not gender-specific. Emotional manipulation does not affect only romantic relationships but can also be present in friendships.

Also, this is pure fiction and this was not written in reference to anyone, living or dead.

So, what is emotional manipulation to you?

What do you think of Boo and Bae’s characters respectively?

How do you know if you’re manipulating someone emotionally or being manipulated?

What can you do to stop emotional manipulation?

Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below because I’d really love to see them.

Posted in Random, School

THINGS YOU WOULDN’T FIND IN MY IT REPORT

Hello, my people!! How are you doing? Great? Thank God. I’ve been here and there, you know? Trying to put myself together for resumption. As you may know, I’m a final year babe now so all has to be in order.

Appreciate the incisors of a final year babe

I started writing this on my way to Delta State while listening to Easy by DaniLeigh featuring Chris Brown and I was supposed to edit and publish as soon as I arrived but I had to clean my house and I was so tired by the time I was done. Anyways, I continued writing this on my bed the next day while my roommate, Juliet was making funny noises in her sleep.

I tried to publish immediately but apparently, WordPress had other plans. I got so mad and uninstalled my app. Well, I’m editing now and giving you the gist.

My IT report was supposed to be due on the 26th but it was postponed till the 30th. I was so happy because on the 25th, I wasn’t even close to being done. It’s not like I’m lazy or anything (at least I had written my acknowledgments and I also had an idea of what the table of contents will look like). Plus writing here is so much easier and I had to give you the inner scoop. By inner scoop, I basically mean what I learned during my internship or industrial training as it’s called. I have a feeling that it’s going to help one or two persons and I don’t just mean intending interns.

Here we go..

So, my IT was a nice experience and I met a lot of new people but I will not lie to you and tell you that every day was great and fulfilling. In fact, there are days when I dreaded going to work. On some days, I totally skipped work. This brings us to my first point:

Punctuality is hard: I mean, how do people do it? It was easy at first when I was enthusiastic about starting but mind you, that was when I was still young and full of life. Yes, three months ago. I tried and tried and tried and then I couldn’t keep up. I know it’s because I always got home late tho’. The times I left the office at exactly my closing time are not so numerous. Anyways, these are excuses.
Despite the fact that work can be stressful, it is very important to be consistent and being punctual is key to being successful in a work environment because it helps you to be organized and in tune with activities in the office.

Office people can be frustrating: Yes, I said it. Members of staff will annoy you or insult you and you won’t be able to reply because you’re just an intern. See, there was a point that I thought I would choke. One thing I realized tho’ is that as a person if you keep taking things to heart, you’ll keep on hurting yourself. I feel that there are some things that should just be overlooked. I’m not saying that you should allow people to take you for granted. God knows that I didn’t allow it to get that far because I’m the last person that will be the subject of ”see finish” but I had to be respectful no matter what. I tried as best as possible to have it at the back of my mind that I was only there for a period of time and I didn’t have to bring out the Warri spirit in me because people were watching. So I tried to endure because I didn’t want to leave on a bad note. I’ll give myself a 6/10.

If you have read up to this point, I hope you get what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to give solutions to issues that plague interns sometimes while trying to share my own experience. So, point number three:

IT Supervisors should be called messiahs: The week after I was supervised, it was just as if I didn’t have anything to prove to anyone again. Like, my supervisor literally came to save me. I started taking days off by myself without taking permission from work. I totally became lazy and uninterested. At first, I was feeling good until my industry-based supervisor pointed out to me that my performance had dropped. I felt bad because it was as if everything I had been doing was just for show and now, my true colors we’re coming out. A lot of other things were involved in my deteriorating performance especially the fact that I kept reminding myself that my IT was just 2 units but you see what I said about consistency? Take note of it because it matters a lot.

Funny enough, if you don’t want to work nobody will force you: It’s true because you’re a boss. Intern or not. But what will it profit you to come to the office and press the phone or watch movies throughout? I realized very early that because it is an office environment, the members of staff are often busy. In order for you to learn, you have to put yourself out there and ask questions. My dad always says that you can’t go wrong if you ask. If you say you just wanna come to the office and chill, nobody will disturb you but how will you acquire the knowledge you’re supposed to get? Most people will say that going out of your way to ask questions or volunteer to work is over sabi but the same “over sabi” nature was what enabled me to be able to go out for two Vox pops and file a news report that the editor used (and even added a byline) in my first week. It’s one of the things I’m proud of and do not regret because whatever it is you learn, no matter how small stays with you.

Las Las, I still left: I used to remind myself that I wasn’t there permanently especially on days when I started feeling like a staff (like the day I was given a Nigeria Info T-Shirt) but I wanted to be remembered. I don’t know if I will be but I tried as best as possible (tho’ I lagged behind during my last three weeks) to leave good memories behind. I also learned a lot and left with a lot. I met new people, made new contacts and friends and the thought of knowing these people makes me excited about the future.

Now, I’m just going to say that it was a great experience but I’m sincerely glad it’s over. I’m still contemplating if I would want to be working from 8-5 in the future but at least there would be pay.
I’m so grateful for the opportunity to work with Cool Fm, Nigeria Info Fm, and Wazobia Fm. Shout out to my Uncle, Aro Leonard for making it happen.

Proof of Completion

Juliet was still asleep by the time I finished writing and I tried to convince myself to sleep too because I had been up since 3:20 am. I don’t even know why. Also, I was trying to make my blog posts short but as you can see, I didn’t exactly succeed.
Thank you for reading my IT report. As much as I would love to tell you that I’m done with my main IT report since tomorrow is the 30th, I’m yet to write my summary and recommendations. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to write the real one.

Love,

‘Ruona ❤️

P.S:

You know that feeling when you want to give someone gist and you’re not able to and you start feeling like it’s stale? Well, that’s the feeling I’ve been having since the 26th. I don’t want to feel that way again.

Did you get something from this post?

What’s your favorite music right now?

Do you have any major IT experience to share?

Please make use of the comment box below!