Posted in Personal

Familiarity Still Breeds Contempt

Give someone an inch and they take a mile? 

It still happens!!!

You’d think that as we grow older, people will begin to respect themselves around others but it’s obvious that the memo hasn’t gotten to everyone because if it has, then everyone and I mean EVERYONE should know that when it comes to people, there is a line that should not be crossed, no matter how close you are to them.

My family is very private. We’ve lived at our house for about 10 years and most of the people around us don’t even know our names. I’m very positive that some of them have written my brother and I off as rude people 😂 because we don’t have time for anyone but the truth of the matter is that we don’t have the energy for what people call ’see finish’.

In case you’re wondering what ’see finish’ is, it is a pidgin term that loosely translates to ‘to have seen it all’. It is a slang that is used to explain that someone has become too familiar with you to the extent that he/she begins to disrespect you. In other words, your ratings have dropped from maybe a 5 to a 2 or even 1 and a half.

’See finish’ easily describes the big grammar that’s my title (I should have just titled this blog post ’how to avoid see finish’ but the professoin me won’t allow it).

As I was saying, we don’t really talk to people around our area but I can be a very sociable person if I’m in the mood. ’Iya Kunle’ likes me because I’m always shouting ”Good morning Maaa” at the top of my lungs anytime I see her and then there’s Mr. John who never fails to greet me with a smile. There’s also this guy that works at the carwash close to my house whom I started talking to around last year. He’s the subject of the gist for today. 

I cannot remember exactly how we started talking but I know that a routine formed anytime I was going out or coming back. He always waved and said hi. Sometimes, I’d stop and we’d chat a little about random stuff (if you’ve noticed, I’m using past tense because all of that is history now) and it was cool because he seemed like a nice person.

One day out of the blues, Uncle asked for my phone number and I was like ”Why do you want my number? What will we talk about? I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s necessary”. In my mind, I was like ”When did we even reach that level? Because of ordinary hi and what did you buy for me?”

He didn’t stop there. He kept on bugging me and I kept declining. Eventually, he stopped asking. Our usual greetings continued until I noticed that he was beginning to get too comfortable. He started catcalling and shouting my name to get my attention while making improper jokes. I was already getting pissed but I didn’t say anything about it. I continued normally until the day he did something that turned out to be the last straw.

So I was going to get fuel one day and this guy started shouting my name. It was evening and people were around. I would have answered but I was already tired of his behavior so I ignored him. The next thing I heard was ”This girl ehn, na wa for you” and he legit threw the chewed cob of corn in his hand in my path to get my attention and I missed a step and nearly fell. I was so angry and under normal circumstances, I would have turned to give him a piece of my mind. I even heard someone say ”wetin the girl do you na? Una be friends?”

I gathered myself and silently walked away without giving him the attention he badly wanted. On my way back, he shouted ”The thing wey I throw touch you? Sorry o”. In my mind, I was like, ”I really thought this one had sense. He actually thinks that what he did was funny”. I was so annoyed and I kept thinking that if I hadn’t started responding to his greetings in the first place, this would not have happened. I’ve stopped now and I’m pretty sure that he has gotten the message.

The point I’m trying to put across is that I put myself in a position where I became too familiar with this person. Some people may consider what happened to me as a small thing that can be ignored but being the kind of person that I am, there are some things that I don’t just take lightly and I don’t think you should too because it could have been something more. I mean, this is how it starts!

People should know their place but at the same time, do not put yourself in a position where people will disrespect you. A lot of people you think have pride are not really proud. It’s just self-respect. The way you carry yourself around people determines how they begin to see you. If they become too comfortable and feel that they know all there is to be known about you, you begin to lose value and they tend not to see you as the big deal that you are. This is why they say “na see finish dey turn ’Good morning’ to ’How far’.”

So basically, this is me reminding you that familiarity still breeds contempt. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be friends with people or anything. What I’m saying is that there’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed. Don’t allow people to disrespect you in the name of friendship. Don’t be too tolerant. Have standards! If your friends really care, they’ll respect you. Also, the moment you notice that some of your friends and family have begun to cross that line and they’re now bordering on being disrespectful, don’t hesitate to put them in their place or you can just put quality distance between yourselves because this is a zero-tolerance zone.

Love,

’Ruona. ❤️

P.S:

What’s Popping?

Have you been in a position where familiarity bred contempt?

I mean, have you been in a position where someone saw you finish?

How did you handle it?

What are you taking away from this blog post?

Please share your thoughts in the comment section. You know how much I love hearing from you!

Posted in motivation, Personal

You Don’t Need Anyone’s Approval to Feel Better About Yourself.

I should probably tell you about this one time I dressed up. Like, really dressed up because of a guy. I remember doing my makeup and what was on my mind was how surprised he’d be to see me and how I would take his breath away. I was positive that he will not be looking at anyone else but me. I wanted to look mature and I wanted to be the centre of attraction so I allowed my friend to plaster heavy colours on my face in the name of makeup. (I should have a picture somewhere but I’m not about to embarrass the people I care about).

The endpoint of this story is that he invited another girl over who had lighter makeup on and she spent the whole day with him. I was just there, looking at them, feeling uncomfortable with my face, and totally annoyed.

Currently playing:

Sam Smith and Burnaboy actually made magic.

Where was I? Okay, there’s this confidence that makeup gives a person especially when it’s really good. Its art and art should be appreciated. But the issue here was that I didn’t wear makeup for myself on that day. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even appreciate myself at that point and all that mattered was this guy’s approval. When he didn’t even acknowledge it, my level of confidence automatically reduced. Lol. Just imagine going through the stress of sitting in one place for close to an hour and applying makeup for a boy and he doesn’t even appreciate it. Sigh. I was young and inexperienced, forgive me. I was expecting a compliment from him but he probably thought I was a joke. I can’t even blame him. I was painted like a clown. I didn’t even take his breath away…

You may have made or you’re still making the same mistake I made that time, doing stuff to impress people, to get their approval, or to fit in. Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with dressing to impress. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to boost your confidence level. The mistake you’d make is if you do them for the wrong reasons.

Whatever you do, ensure that you do it for yourself. People and their opinions matter but you matter more. Don’t lose your self worth because you’re trying to impress someone else.

Found this on Twitter.

The plain truth is that if you don’t appreciate yourself first, nobody will appreciate you. If you look down on yourself, people will look down on you. If you cannot find happiness within yourself, how do you expect to find it in other people?

You should ask yourself specific questions sometimes. Questions like “what exactly am I doing this for?”, “am I happy with this decision?”, “am I doing this for myself or for someone else?” “am I comfortable in my own skin?” And mind you, these questions aren’t limited to dressing alone because there are decisions we make on certain issues in life based on the need to get approval from people, some of them being people that we should not even bother about.

If I had just taken time to actually appreciate myself, I’m very sure I’d have gone out with my bare face and I would have had fun without having second thoughts. Also, if I had decided that I was beautiful with my makeup on, I wouldn’t have cared about his approval and I definitely would not have needed his compliments to make me feel good about myself. It’s history now and I know that I can’t make that same mistake again because I’m totally comfortable in my skin.

Insecurities come at times but I manage them by reminding myself that there’s no one like me. You can do the same too because you’re unique and you do not need anyone’s approval to feel better about yourself. Also, if you feel like there’s a change you have to make, a change that will benefit you, please go for it. Don’t discourage yourself with “what ifs”. As they say, the world will adjust.

We’re done with random thoughts for today. Thanks for stopping by.

Love,

Ruona. ❤️

P.S:

HAPPY NEW MONTH!! 💜🥳

I’ve been MIA and I’m sorry. My life outside the blog caught up with me.

How are you really? What have you been up to these past 2 weeks?

Have you had a similar experience to the one I just shared?

Do you agree with what I’ve said?

What part of this post got to you?

Please let me know in the comment box below. You know how much I love hearing from you. 💜💜💜