Posted in Relationship

Before Your Valentine.

I shouldn’t do this, especially since it’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow but if I don’t tell you the truth, who will?

All I want to do is give you friendly advice and I’d like to start by saying:

May you not be stuck in one spot, anchored by the profound, desperate loneliness of a bad relationship.

Can I get an Amen?

There’s no denying that love is a beautiful thing but you’ll agree with me that not all love is love. I have learned from observation that people mistake love for a lot of things and it’s sad. People mistake love for attention, sex, and material things among others but these things don’t even begin to define what love is. Some people are so desperate to be with someone and so scared to be alone that they’ll settle for anything and somehow trick their minds into believing that it’s right.

So, as you do your lovers stuff tomorrow, I just want to remind you that love is so much more than what we see. The moment you realize that in your relationship, you’re beginning to settle, you know that there’s an issue somewhere.

You should mean as much to your partner as they mean to you. You shouldn’t have to fight to be heard in your relationship. Your opinions should matter and you should have more good memories than bad. You should feel the love not just in words but in actions too. Your fights shouldn’t be against each other. You should know that when fights happen, it’s not you against him/her but both of you against the issue. Don’t forget. There should be an effort on both sides because a relationship involves giving and taking.

In the end, we know that there’s no perfect relationship because these things are filled with ups and downs (Cheating isn’t one of them. Don’t even think about it) but in the end, you have to know what you want and be sure that you’re not settling for less than you deserve. You have to be sure that you’re not lying to yourself or making excuses for a partner that does not intend to change. See your relationship for what it is.

As I said, it’s just friendly advice I’m giving to you but if you’re beginning to reconsider your relationship, it’s probably for the best. I mean, why spend so much money and put time and effort into a partner that doesn’t deserve it when you can spend this money on me?

Please, you can send me a dm on Instagram to ask me for my address or account number just in case you want to redirect your gifts. You know I mean well. You can also send pictures and videos to me so I can scream “aww” and “God when”.

Shoutout to every genuine person who does not need a specific day to show love or perform romantic gestures because you do it all year round (I don’t mean the ones that say this as an excuse). You are the real MVPs.

Have a splendid Valentine’s Day.

Love,

‘Ruona. ❤️

P.S:

I didn’t publish last week and nobody looked for me. Wow. Just wow.

I forgive you. How are you doing?

What do you think about people that settle in relationships?

Do you have plans for Valentine’s Day or you’re part of the “aww” and “God when” crew like me?

Please make use of the comment box. You know how much I love reading from and replying you! 💜

Posted in Random, Relationship

3 Reasons Why Your Apologies Weren’t Accepted (and how to fix them)

Hello, thank you for stopping by. How are you doing? I really hope you’re doing great ’cos I am. Is it just me or was this past week pretty fast? Like, it was as if a lot of things happened and didn’t happen at the same time. I don’t even understand what I just typed. Lol.

From the title of this blog post, you already have an idea about what we’ll be analyzing today. Apologies are not just apologies. Apologies have to do with a sincere and regretful admission of misconduct. Frankly speaking, if you don’t mean an apology, there’s no need to offer one. I’d rather you didn’t apologize to me than for you to be fake about it. The most common words used to apologize are ”I am Sorry” and if used properly, they can melt even the hardest of hearts.

Last night, I posted a question on social media asking ”How do you apologize?” Some of my friends had things to say:

You have no right to refuse this apology. In fact, you should reciprocate 😂
Who still doubts that money answereth all things? 😂
See? Some people don’t have time to waste on apologies 😂
I still don’t understand why this person was shouting at me but if you understand Yoruba, you’ll get the point. 😂
Aww, how sweet. 🥺🤧

From the above, it’s obvious that people see apologies differently, and based on their own judgement, they determine what’s right for them but we won’t be dwelling on this.

It is common knowledge that we tend to get on the bad sides of people from time to time and we often realize the need to apologize. Sometimes, we actually make efforts to apologize and our apologies aren’t even regarded or accepted. We start wondering what we may have done wrong. I mean, is it not just an apology? However, It is one thing to know how to say ”I’m sorry” it is another thing to know how to apologize properly.

If you apologized to someone and your apology wasn’t regarded, it’s probably because:

YOU MADE EXCUSES

What is ”I’m sorry but”? The ’but’ after ’I’m sorry’ just rendered your apology useless. What is ”I’m sorry if I”? Are you confused? How can you be trying to apologize while trying to pin the blame on someone or something else? Are you sure you came to apologize at all? Or instead of accepting responsibility for whatever wrong you may have done and sincerely apologizing, you’re trying to justify your actions.

The truth of the matter is that if you’re genuinely sorry, you’ll take responsibility for your part in the conflict and not try to blame anyone or justify your actions. Even if you feel that you’re right, the time of apology isn’t the time to become the judge and jury of your case. Just sincerely take responsibility for your actions and leave. What you’re supposed to do at that point in time is to own your mistakes. There will be time to discuss whatever happened later.


YOU USED YOUR APOLOGY TO CATCH CRUISE

Not everything is a joke. Imagine a person trying to apologize to you and the person is laughing throughout. You’d definitely ask yourself if the person sees you as a joke, especially if what the person did really hurt you. Now, imagine if the tables are turned. You’re not taking your apology seriously and you want the recipient to take you seriously? How? There are only a few people that may be able to tell when you’re serious and other people may not take your jokes lightly.

I feel that when you’re apologizing, the other party should be able to feel your sincerity. I’m not saying that you should weep and roll on the floor in order to show that you’re sorry but there’s something my friend said. She said ”our unconscious mind can actually detect when someone is being truly apologetic” and I totally agree. People can sense it so watch it.


YOU TRIED TO BRIBE YOUR WAY OUT OF IT

There are people that don’t like saying they’re sorry. You can try to squeeze the apology out of them and they won’t give in. What they prefer to do is to give gifts or special ’credit alerts’ to shut the other party up. Sometimes, the offending party still goes on to make those same mistakes without any form of remorse because he/she feels that if you get angry, he/she can just send you money and that’s the end. It’s absolutely wrong.

Someone asked ”Ruona, if you get ’apology credit alert’ will you take it? Yes. Yes, I will. It doesn’t change the fact that the person hasn’t apologized in any way and the fact that the person is just trying to cover things up. It is one thing to genuinely apologize and get the other person a gift as a follow-up but if you skip the apology, you’re wrong and there’s every tendency that it will be held against you. It won’t take anything out of you to apologize.

Do you get it?

If you’ve read up to this point, thank you for sticking with me. The reasons why apologies aren’t accepted most of the time are not limited to these three. As a matter of fact, other reasons include: Not knowing when to apologize, Not apologizing for the right reasons, Not making amends, among others. Apologies come naturally to some people while others find it difficult but we should try to make a habit of apologizing properly when we’re wrong.

Also, if you have realized that you didn’t apologize properly in previous times, you should try again. Healthy relationships are part of healthy living.

One more thing. When you actually do apologize and you’re forgiven, please try not to make those same mistakes again. Don’t spread stress, please. This is not what Jesus died for.

Until next time loves,

’Ruona. ❤️

P.S:

This blog post is dedicated to everyone on my WhatsApp list and Instagram stories who always take time out to give their opinions on my random thoughts. I do not take you for granted. Thank you.

How was your week? (I’ve realized that you don’t like answering questions like this and my usual ”how are you” but I genuinely want to know so please, tell me).

How do you apologize? 🌚

What is the difference between ’sorry’ and ’I’m sorry’?

If you’re given money all the time in place of apologies will you collect? I actually meant will you still rate the person?

Do you have any questions? Is there something else you’d like to add?

Please make use of the comment box below. You know how much I love hearing from you. Thank you!! 💜