Posted in Personal

Familiarity Still Breeds Contempt

Give someone an inch and they take a mile? 

It still happens!!!

You’d think that as we grow older, people will begin to respect themselves around others but it’s obvious that the memo hasn’t gotten to everyone because if it has, then everyone and I mean EVERYONE should know that when it comes to people, there is a line that should not be crossed, no matter how close you are to them.

My family is very private. We’ve lived at our house for about 10 years and most of the people around us don’t even know our names. I’m very positive that some of them have written my brother and I off as rude people 😂 because we don’t have time for anyone but the truth of the matter is that we don’t have the energy for what people call ’see finish’.

In case you’re wondering what ’see finish’ is, it is a pidgin term that loosely translates to ‘to have seen it all’. It is a slang that is used to explain that someone has become too familiar with you to the extent that he/she begins to disrespect you. In other words, your ratings have dropped from maybe a 5 to a 2 or even 1 and a half.

’See finish’ easily describes the big grammar that’s my title (I should have just titled this blog post ’how to avoid see finish’ but the professoin me won’t allow it).

As I was saying, we don’t really talk to people around our area but I can be a very sociable person if I’m in the mood. ’Iya Kunle’ likes me because I’m always shouting ”Good morning Maaa” at the top of my lungs anytime I see her and then there’s Mr. John who never fails to greet me with a smile. There’s also this guy that works at the carwash close to my house whom I started talking to around last year. He’s the subject of the gist for today. 

I cannot remember exactly how we started talking but I know that a routine formed anytime I was going out or coming back. He always waved and said hi. Sometimes, I’d stop and we’d chat a little about random stuff (if you’ve noticed, I’m using past tense because all of that is history now) and it was cool because he seemed like a nice person.

One day out of the blues, Uncle asked for my phone number and I was like ”Why do you want my number? What will we talk about? I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s necessary”. In my mind, I was like ”When did we even reach that level? Because of ordinary hi and what did you buy for me?”

He didn’t stop there. He kept on bugging me and I kept declining. Eventually, he stopped asking. Our usual greetings continued until I noticed that he was beginning to get too comfortable. He started catcalling and shouting my name to get my attention while making improper jokes. I was already getting pissed but I didn’t say anything about it. I continued normally until the day he did something that turned out to be the last straw.

So I was going to get fuel one day and this guy started shouting my name. It was evening and people were around. I would have answered but I was already tired of his behavior so I ignored him. The next thing I heard was ”This girl ehn, na wa for you” and he legit threw the chewed cob of corn in his hand in my path to get my attention and I missed a step and nearly fell. I was so angry and under normal circumstances, I would have turned to give him a piece of my mind. I even heard someone say ”wetin the girl do you na? Una be friends?”

I gathered myself and silently walked away without giving him the attention he badly wanted. On my way back, he shouted ”The thing wey I throw touch you? Sorry o”. In my mind, I was like, ”I really thought this one had sense. He actually thinks that what he did was funny”. I was so annoyed and I kept thinking that if I hadn’t started responding to his greetings in the first place, this would not have happened. I’ve stopped now and I’m pretty sure that he has gotten the message.

The point I’m trying to put across is that I put myself in a position where I became too familiar with this person. Some people may consider what happened to me as a small thing that can be ignored but being the kind of person that I am, there are some things that I don’t just take lightly and I don’t think you should too because it could have been something more. I mean, this is how it starts!

People should know their place but at the same time, do not put yourself in a position where people will disrespect you. A lot of people you think have pride are not really proud. It’s just self-respect. The way you carry yourself around people determines how they begin to see you. If they become too comfortable and feel that they know all there is to be known about you, you begin to lose value and they tend not to see you as the big deal that you are. This is why they say “na see finish dey turn ’Good morning’ to ’How far’.”

So basically, this is me reminding you that familiarity still breeds contempt. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be friends with people or anything. What I’m saying is that there’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed. Don’t allow people to disrespect you in the name of friendship. Don’t be too tolerant. Have standards! If your friends really care, they’ll respect you. Also, the moment you notice that some of your friends and family have begun to cross that line and they’re now bordering on being disrespectful, don’t hesitate to put them in their place or you can just put quality distance between yourselves because this is a zero-tolerance zone.

Love,

’Ruona. ❤️

P.S:

What’s Popping?

Have you been in a position where familiarity bred contempt?

I mean, have you been in a position where someone saw you finish?

How did you handle it?

What are you taking away from this blog post?

Please share your thoughts in the comment section. You know how much I love hearing from you!

Posted in Random, Relationship

3 Reasons Why Your Apologies Weren’t Accepted (and how to fix them)

Hello, thank you for stopping by. How are you doing? I really hope you’re doing great ’cos I am. Is it just me or was this past week pretty fast? Like, it was as if a lot of things happened and didn’t happen at the same time. I don’t even understand what I just typed. Lol.

From the title of this blog post, you already have an idea about what we’ll be analyzing today. Apologies are not just apologies. Apologies have to do with a sincere and regretful admission of misconduct. Frankly speaking, if you don’t mean an apology, there’s no need to offer one. I’d rather you didn’t apologize to me than for you to be fake about it. The most common words used to apologize are ”I am Sorry” and if used properly, they can melt even the hardest of hearts.

Last night, I posted a question on social media asking ”How do you apologize?” Some of my friends had things to say:

You have no right to refuse this apology. In fact, you should reciprocate 😂
Who still doubts that money answereth all things? 😂
See? Some people don’t have time to waste on apologies 😂
I still don’t understand why this person was shouting at me but if you understand Yoruba, you’ll get the point. 😂
Aww, how sweet. 🥺🤧

From the above, it’s obvious that people see apologies differently, and based on their own judgement, they determine what’s right for them but we won’t be dwelling on this.

It is common knowledge that we tend to get on the bad sides of people from time to time and we often realize the need to apologize. Sometimes, we actually make efforts to apologize and our apologies aren’t even regarded or accepted. We start wondering what we may have done wrong. I mean, is it not just an apology? However, It is one thing to know how to say ”I’m sorry” it is another thing to know how to apologize properly.

If you apologized to someone and your apology wasn’t regarded, it’s probably because:

YOU MADE EXCUSES

What is ”I’m sorry but”? The ’but’ after ’I’m sorry’ just rendered your apology useless. What is ”I’m sorry if I”? Are you confused? How can you be trying to apologize while trying to pin the blame on someone or something else? Are you sure you came to apologize at all? Or instead of accepting responsibility for whatever wrong you may have done and sincerely apologizing, you’re trying to justify your actions.

The truth of the matter is that if you’re genuinely sorry, you’ll take responsibility for your part in the conflict and not try to blame anyone or justify your actions. Even if you feel that you’re right, the time of apology isn’t the time to become the judge and jury of your case. Just sincerely take responsibility for your actions and leave. What you’re supposed to do at that point in time is to own your mistakes. There will be time to discuss whatever happened later.


YOU USED YOUR APOLOGY TO CATCH CRUISE

Not everything is a joke. Imagine a person trying to apologize to you and the person is laughing throughout. You’d definitely ask yourself if the person sees you as a joke, especially if what the person did really hurt you. Now, imagine if the tables are turned. You’re not taking your apology seriously and you want the recipient to take you seriously? How? There are only a few people that may be able to tell when you’re serious and other people may not take your jokes lightly.

I feel that when you’re apologizing, the other party should be able to feel your sincerity. I’m not saying that you should weep and roll on the floor in order to show that you’re sorry but there’s something my friend said. She said ”our unconscious mind can actually detect when someone is being truly apologetic” and I totally agree. People can sense it so watch it.


YOU TRIED TO BRIBE YOUR WAY OUT OF IT

There are people that don’t like saying they’re sorry. You can try to squeeze the apology out of them and they won’t give in. What they prefer to do is to give gifts or special ’credit alerts’ to shut the other party up. Sometimes, the offending party still goes on to make those same mistakes without any form of remorse because he/she feels that if you get angry, he/she can just send you money and that’s the end. It’s absolutely wrong.

Someone asked ”Ruona, if you get ’apology credit alert’ will you take it? Yes. Yes, I will. It doesn’t change the fact that the person hasn’t apologized in any way and the fact that the person is just trying to cover things up. It is one thing to genuinely apologize and get the other person a gift as a follow-up but if you skip the apology, you’re wrong and there’s every tendency that it will be held against you. It won’t take anything out of you to apologize.

Do you get it?

If you’ve read up to this point, thank you for sticking with me. The reasons why apologies aren’t accepted most of the time are not limited to these three. As a matter of fact, other reasons include: Not knowing when to apologize, Not apologizing for the right reasons, Not making amends, among others. Apologies come naturally to some people while others find it difficult but we should try to make a habit of apologizing properly when we’re wrong.

Also, if you have realized that you didn’t apologize properly in previous times, you should try again. Healthy relationships are part of healthy living.

One more thing. When you actually do apologize and you’re forgiven, please try not to make those same mistakes again. Don’t spread stress, please. This is not what Jesus died for.

Until next time loves,

’Ruona. ❤️

P.S:

This blog post is dedicated to everyone on my WhatsApp list and Instagram stories who always take time out to give their opinions on my random thoughts. I do not take you for granted. Thank you.

How was your week? (I’ve realized that you don’t like answering questions like this and my usual ”how are you” but I genuinely want to know so please, tell me).

How do you apologize? 🌚

What is the difference between ’sorry’ and ’I’m sorry’?

If you’re given money all the time in place of apologies will you collect? I actually meant will you still rate the person?

Do you have any questions? Is there something else you’d like to add?

Please make use of the comment box below. You know how much I love hearing from you. Thank you!! 💜