Posted in Relationship

Emotional Manipulation

Emotional Manipulation | \ i-ˈmō-shnəl \ \məˌnɪpjuˈleɪʃn\ – A situation whereby a person tries to influence another person’s behavior or attitude by using tactics that can easily be referred to as deceitful, sneaky and even abusive. Some forms of emotional manipulation include lack of accountability, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, self-justification, among others.

You know what? I don’t think I’m going to use big grammar to enlighten you today. You deserve details of everything that went down and I’m going to gist you. Just patiently follow this story.

This couple, Boo and Bae were the real couple goals. They had been together for a little over a year and everyone knew about them. Their pictures and triller videos often attracted comments of ”awww 😍🥺” and ”God when 😩😭”. With the number of followers they had amassed on Instagram, they were a power couple. Basically, they were good together on paper because Boo was a fine boy and Bae did not fall hands in beauty. God took his time in creating these ones. Do you see why they belonged together? Yes or yes?

As I said, they were couple goals and people wanted what they had. I mean, what else do you want when you have the best of everything and a fine boy/girl by your side? Nothing, dear. Everything looked good on the outside and if you didn’t look closely enough, you wouldn’t notice that their relationship was actually a farce. I mean they loved each other and they were happy but lmaooo 😂 I knew what was up because I’m smart (and I know things) plus who do you think Bae used to call when she was crying? That’s right. Me! 😂 Please, please, I am not a bad friend. I just want to enlighten you. I told Bae to leave Boo since but she used to ask me ”What will people say?” ”Don’t you want this to work out?” ”Are you sure there isn’t a reason you want us to break up? (haaa!) There was no reason oh. I was just giving her the best solution I could think of but before she’d say I was an enemy of progress, I stuck to saying ”sorry babe, you’ll be fine”. There was no way that the relationship would not end in tears but you don’t say that to a crying girl.

Things had been going smoothly for them until Bae started noticing a change in Boo. When we talked she said, ”I wouldn’t exactly say he changed because this is a part of his nature that came as a warning sign but I chose to ignore”. So Bae already knew something was up but she didn’t think it would be a problem. K. Bae told me that at first when Boo started making it seem like she was crazy for voicing her feelings and pointing out when she felt bad, she thought ”hey it’s true. I’m just whining and I can overlook this issue” but how exactly was she supposed to be okay with the fact that Boo was disrespecting her in many ways than one and dismissing her feelings as if they were nothing?

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It was confusing, especially on cases when Bae suspected Boo of cheating on her but he’d lie to her face even when there were traces of evidence. He’d prove that she was wrong and that he was right. Bae would begin to feel bad about even bringing up the issue in the first place. His mantra was always ”you don’t trust me” but someone’s intuition cannot be wrong on so many occasions, can it? Boo also began to criticize her and her decisions without encouraging her. He’d only show support when he knew he’d gain something from it (cue their many posts on Instagram that attracted brands).

I remember one time when Bae organized something for them to do together because she realized that they were slowly drifting apart. Boo didn’t show up. When Bae attempted to voice out the fact that he made her feel bad, he played the victim and decided to play the blame game. He said ”you know I’m always with my guys. You should have told me earlier so I’d have time to plan”. Bae came crying to me that she had told him about her plans two days before and he said he’d be there. She waited for him for close to three hours and the least he could have done was call or send a text that he wasn’t going to be available. Instead, he decided to go for a ”get together” with his guys. He justified himself and did not apologize that day. You can imagine how Bae felt.

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He continued to do things like this (and honestly, I wondered why Bae kept trying. I mean, it was obvious that he didn’t care). He never admitted that he was wrong but always said that Bae was being insensitive or crazy. When he made mistakes, he’d try to turn it on her and try to make it seem like it was her fault. To make matters worse, after talking to her, he’d still tell her that he loved her and he cared about her and my friend would decide to forgive everything. He never failed to give her gifts and as I said, everything was perfect but the truth is that Bae was not happy. Eventually, Boo began to expect Bae to put everything aside for his needs. With the gifts and his words, she began to feel like she was indebted to him. He was basically Lord in the relationship and it was very hard to say no to him.

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So, I’ve been giving you guys gist in the past tense since but allow me to shock you. They are still together!! Yes, I said it. She’s still suffering in silence and coming to cry to me. She doesn’t want to even think about the phrase ”break up”. That’s not a relationship. Oga is manipulating and abusing her emotionally and she knows it but she doesn’t want to admit it. Honestly, I mean well for them but if Boo doesn’t get help for his toxic nature, I don’t know how long they’d last for because this isn’t healthy for them. I’m still here anyway, telling her ”sorry babe, you’ll be fine”.

I’ll keep you guys updated.

Love,

’Ruona ❤️

P. S.

Special thanks to Sharon Oseghe and Kindness Onodua for helping me come up with this idea. 💜

If you’ve read up to this point, I really appreciate you.

Did you get what I did with my story? I pointed out signs of emotional manipulation.

I’d like to say that emotional manipulation works both ways and is not gender-specific. Emotional manipulation does not affect only romantic relationships but can also be present in friendships.

Also, this is pure fiction and this was not written in reference to anyone, living or dead.

So, what is emotional manipulation to you?

What do you think of Boo and Bae’s characters respectively?

How do you know if you’re manipulating someone emotionally or being manipulated?

What can you do to stop emotional manipulation?

Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below because I’d really love to see them.

Posted in Random

Social Media Sef!

I promised myself that I’d upload every week. I promised myself!! I’ve been asking myself “what’s wrong?” for the past three weeks. The funny thing is that I don’t know! Or maybe I know why I haven’t been able to publish since. I’ve been overcome with some sort of brain laziness (if that’s even a thing).

It’s just that when I thought about writing, I’d just become weak. I have so many drafts that I couldn’t complete and I can’t even explain further but I sincerely want to appreciate everyone that checked up on me and asked about the next time I’d publish. The fact that you look forward to my blog posts means a whole lot to me.

I also want to appreciate two very special people that encouraged me and motivated me to write again. I love writing but it’s easy to get discouraged if there’s no one to encourage you. The last time something like this happened, I couldn’t write for three months. So, shout out to Molayo!! We started talking recently but I just mentioned the problem I was having to her and she was so encouraging, I almost cried. You can check out her blog Here. I’m also sending a shout out to Chidinma ThankGod. On another day when I wasn’t feeling motivated, she sent me this:

This hit the right spot!

So, all these being said, I would like to welcome you specially to another episode of “random thoughts by Ruona”. I know I’ve been out of it and if you’re still mad at me, you can state my punishment in the comment box but remember that God said we should forgive 70 times 7 times and I’m really sorry 😫

I’m drying tears 😭

Today however, I just wanna say that SOCIAL MEDIA CAN KILL SOMEBODY!! Yes dear, it’s a random rant today. I will not even start with the fact that social media burns data. I now use 1 gigabyte in a day. Me that hasn’t blown yet. Smh.

Just look at what I’m talking about.

But that’s not the point I’m trying to make.

So, it’s hard being a social media user especially on Instagram and Twitter (I don’t use Facebook for personal reasons) because you see a lot and it’s often hard to deduce the real from the fake. I often say that pictures lie and I believe it because on social media, people only post what they want you to see. At one point in my life, I used to compare myself to what I saw on Social media a lot! I know that majority of teenagers and youths tend to compare themselves to what they see on social media despite the fact that they know it’s fake. Most times, it’s done unconsciously and honestly, it’s not easy because I remember one time when I deleted all my pictures on Instagram because I felt that they weren’t good enough. It was some sort of inferiority complex.

Now, I upload selfies with my pimples 😂

Nowadays, people try to fit in on social media not minding the costs. It is now common knowledge that if you don’t post a picture wearing skimpy clothes, you won’t get as much likes or engagements on your post. So, imagine me, Oseruona Asak, wearing undies and posing in a seductive manner because I want likes on my instagram page 😂😂😂 it’s funny but it’s not funny. This media craze is another thing entirely. Let’s talk about picture quality now. If you’re not using an iPhone or a good android phone with great picture quality, most people believe that Instagram is not for you. So, because I don’t have an iPhone now, I can’t post my pictures in peace again because nobody will like it? Now tell me why people won’t steal? You don’t know what some of these people even do to get all these phones. You don’t know. You don’t know how talented these people are in editing pictures. You don’t know if that house or car they’re always taking pictures or making videos in are really theirs. As far as I’m concerned, who no know no go know.

What about those ones that borrow for the media? Borrow shoes, bags, glasses, clothes, HAIR!! and in fact everything borrowable so they can slay on the gram? And the innocent ones that dunno what’s going on will be chanting “God when, God when” and God will be wondering why this one is asking when she’ll start borrowing. It’s a fake life oh. It is fake life!! Fake, fake, fake!! You don’t know what these people do to reach their slay on social media. You’d even find that you’re better than they are. I rest my case. Just be you. Instagram cannot control you, social media can not control you. Have you heard?

Okay, Let’s leave Instagram. How about Twitter? Someone will just tweet something and before you know it, people have insulted the person’s followers out of his or her body. Some of these tweets, these “gbas gbos” can be funny at times but there are some things that people should not say to another human being. I’ve heard about cases where people have suicidal thoughts because of things that were said to them. In fact, it’s cyber bullying. How would people stay in the comfort of their houses and start insulting a person’s physical features? Is the person God? Where are instances when I need them?! (Please if you can relate to this and you have examples please enlighten others in the comment box). Funny enough, some of these people that run their mouths on Twitter cannot talk to you on a normal day when they see you on the road. It is well brethren, it is well.

Hmm. I rest my case.

On another note, did you know that yellow has different shades?

Okay, one more thing before I drop my pen. I’m not going to say much on the Xenophobic attacks on Nigerians in South Africa because enough has been said. I’m just going to say that Nigerians deserve better and it is well. Jeremiah 1:19.

May God help us all.

Love,

‘ Ruona ❤️

P.S:

Do you agree with this post?

What has been your social media experience so far?

Have you forgiven me for being MIA these past few weeks?

What are your thoughts on xenophobia in South Africa?

Feel free to use the comment box!