Posted in Relationship

Before Your Valentine.

I shouldn’t do this, especially since it’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow but if I don’t tell you the truth, who will?

All I want to do is give you friendly advice and I’d like to start by saying:

May you not be stuck in one spot, anchored by the profound, desperate loneliness of a bad relationship.

Can I get an Amen?

There’s no denying that love is a beautiful thing but you’ll agree with me that not all love is love. I have learned from observation that people mistake love for a lot of things and it’s sad. People mistake love for attention, sex, and material things among others but these things don’t even begin to define what love is. Some people are so desperate to be with someone and so scared to be alone that they’ll settle for anything and somehow trick their minds into believing that it’s right.

So, as you do your lovers stuff tomorrow, I just want to remind you that love is so much more than what we see. The moment you realize that in your relationship, you’re beginning to settle, you know that there’s an issue somewhere.

You should mean as much to your partner as they mean to you. You shouldn’t have to fight to be heard in your relationship. Your opinions should matter and you should have more good memories than bad. You should feel the love not just in words but in actions too. Your fights shouldn’t be against each other. You should know that when fights happen, it’s not you against him/her but both of you against the issue. Don’t forget. There should be an effort on both sides because a relationship involves giving and taking.

In the end, we know that there’s no perfect relationship because these things are filled with ups and downs (Cheating isn’t one of them. Don’t even think about it) but in the end, you have to know what you want and be sure that you’re not settling for less than you deserve. You have to be sure that you’re not lying to yourself or making excuses for a partner that does not intend to change. See your relationship for what it is.

As I said, it’s just friendly advice I’m giving to you but if you’re beginning to reconsider your relationship, it’s probably for the best. I mean, why spend so much money and put time and effort into a partner that doesn’t deserve it when you can spend this money on me?

Please, you can send me a dm on Instagram to ask me for my address or account number just in case you want to redirect your gifts. You know I mean well. You can also send pictures and videos to me so I can scream “aww” and “God when”.

Shoutout to every genuine person who does not need a specific day to show love or perform romantic gestures because you do it all year round (I don’t mean the ones that say this as an excuse). You are the real MVPs.

Have a splendid Valentine’s Day.

Love,

‘Ruona. ❤️

P.S:

I didn’t publish last week and nobody looked for me. Wow. Just wow.

I forgive you. How are you doing?

What do you think about people that settle in relationships?

Do you have plans for Valentine’s Day or you’re part of the “aww” and “God when” crew like me?

Please make use of the comment box. You know how much I love reading from and replying you! 💜

Posted in Relationship

Emotional Manipulation

Emotional Manipulation | \ i-ˈmō-shnəl \ \məˌnɪpjuˈleɪʃn\ – A situation whereby a person tries to influence another person’s behavior or attitude by using tactics that can easily be referred to as deceitful, sneaky and even abusive. Some forms of emotional manipulation include lack of accountability, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, self-justification, among others.

You know what? I don’t think I’m going to use big grammar to enlighten you today. You deserve details of everything that went down and I’m going to gist you. Just patiently follow this story.

This couple, Boo and Bae were the real couple goals. They had been together for a little over a year and everyone knew about them. Their pictures and triller videos often attracted comments of ”awww 😍🥺” and ”God when 😩😭”. With the number of followers they had amassed on Instagram, they were a power couple. Basically, they were good together on paper because Boo was a fine boy and Bae did not fall hands in beauty. God took his time in creating these ones. Do you see why they belonged together? Yes or yes?

As I said, they were couple goals and people wanted what they had. I mean, what else do you want when you have the best of everything and a fine boy/girl by your side? Nothing, dear. Everything looked good on the outside and if you didn’t look closely enough, you wouldn’t notice that their relationship was actually a farce. I mean they loved each other and they were happy but lmaooo 😂 I knew what was up because I’m smart (and I know things) plus who do you think Bae used to call when she was crying? That’s right. Me! 😂 Please, please, I am not a bad friend. I just want to enlighten you. I told Bae to leave Boo since but she used to ask me ”What will people say?” ”Don’t you want this to work out?” ”Are you sure there isn’t a reason you want us to break up? (haaa!) There was no reason oh. I was just giving her the best solution I could think of but before she’d say I was an enemy of progress, I stuck to saying ”sorry babe, you’ll be fine”. There was no way that the relationship would not end in tears but you don’t say that to a crying girl.

Things had been going smoothly for them until Bae started noticing a change in Boo. When we talked she said, ”I wouldn’t exactly say he changed because this is a part of his nature that came as a warning sign but I chose to ignore”. So Bae already knew something was up but she didn’t think it would be a problem. K. Bae told me that at first when Boo started making it seem like she was crazy for voicing her feelings and pointing out when she felt bad, she thought ”hey it’s true. I’m just whining and I can overlook this issue” but how exactly was she supposed to be okay with the fact that Boo was disrespecting her in many ways than one and dismissing her feelings as if they were nothing?

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It was confusing, especially on cases when Bae suspected Boo of cheating on her but he’d lie to her face even when there were traces of evidence. He’d prove that she was wrong and that he was right. Bae would begin to feel bad about even bringing up the issue in the first place. His mantra was always ”you don’t trust me” but someone’s intuition cannot be wrong on so many occasions, can it? Boo also began to criticize her and her decisions without encouraging her. He’d only show support when he knew he’d gain something from it (cue their many posts on Instagram that attracted brands).

I remember one time when Bae organized something for them to do together because she realized that they were slowly drifting apart. Boo didn’t show up. When Bae attempted to voice out the fact that he made her feel bad, he played the victim and decided to play the blame game. He said ”you know I’m always with my guys. You should have told me earlier so I’d have time to plan”. Bae came crying to me that she had told him about her plans two days before and he said he’d be there. She waited for him for close to three hours and the least he could have done was call or send a text that he wasn’t going to be available. Instead, he decided to go for a ”get together” with his guys. He justified himself and did not apologize that day. You can imagine how Bae felt.

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He continued to do things like this (and honestly, I wondered why Bae kept trying. I mean, it was obvious that he didn’t care). He never admitted that he was wrong but always said that Bae was being insensitive or crazy. When he made mistakes, he’d try to turn it on her and try to make it seem like it was her fault. To make matters worse, after talking to her, he’d still tell her that he loved her and he cared about her and my friend would decide to forgive everything. He never failed to give her gifts and as I said, everything was perfect but the truth is that Bae was not happy. Eventually, Boo began to expect Bae to put everything aside for his needs. With the gifts and his words, she began to feel like she was indebted to him. He was basically Lord in the relationship and it was very hard to say no to him.

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So, I’ve been giving you guys gist in the past tense since but allow me to shock you. They are still together!! Yes, I said it. She’s still suffering in silence and coming to cry to me. She doesn’t want to even think about the phrase ”break up”. That’s not a relationship. Oga is manipulating and abusing her emotionally and she knows it but she doesn’t want to admit it. Honestly, I mean well for them but if Boo doesn’t get help for his toxic nature, I don’t know how long they’d last for because this isn’t healthy for them. I’m still here anyway, telling her ”sorry babe, you’ll be fine”.

I’ll keep you guys updated.

Love,

’Ruona ❤️

P. S.

Special thanks to Sharon Oseghe and Kindness Onodua for helping me come up with this idea. 💜

If you’ve read up to this point, I really appreciate you.

Did you get what I did with my story? I pointed out signs of emotional manipulation.

I’d like to say that emotional manipulation works both ways and is not gender-specific. Emotional manipulation does not affect only romantic relationships but can also be present in friendships.

Also, this is pure fiction and this was not written in reference to anyone, living or dead.

So, what is emotional manipulation to you?

What do you think of Boo and Bae’s characters respectively?

How do you know if you’re manipulating someone emotionally or being manipulated?

What can you do to stop emotional manipulation?

Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below because I’d really love to see them.